HELICOPTER MOMS ARE SOOOO (EYEROLL)
Before I had my son, I was a stepmom. If you’re a step mom you understand the list of challenges that are tied to this title. You more than likely know the feelings of exclusion and loneliness all too well. I could strangle people who would say things like, “ There’s no way you can understand, you’re not a REAL mom.” I thought, “Are you kidding? I have a stepdaughter and care for her like my own. I remember taking her and her friend to see my girlfriend in another state (she was about 10) and her mom kept asking me all of these questions. I’m embarrassed to tell you this but I was slightly annoyed (I know I know-the nerve of me). I thought, “Geez, chill out helicopter mom.”

BOY DO I GET IT!
Ten years later, I was having a convo with my girlfriend about my toddler and an acquaintance overheard us. She commented on me being a helicopter mom and then asked me, “Not to be a dick, but do you think you’re overbearing?”

ACCEPTING THE HELICOPTER MOM STIGMA
I processed what she said for a minute because I immediately felt insulted. I wanted to reply with, “Hey, mind your business lady,” (maybe with a few expletives) but instead I responded with, “absolutely I am.” She then said, “Why…are you scared?” I said, “yes…very scared.”

This was eye opening for me! This was the moment when I realized where my stepdaughter’s mom was coming from years ago, I was taking her little girl on a plane to another state…without her or her father!!! That’s scary shit for a parent!!!

I realized sometimes a step parent can’t get it if the relationship is still relatively new. This doesn’t mean they are not great people or great parental figures. This doesn’t mean they will never get it. This doesn’t even indicate what kind of parent they will be if they do have their own children one day. It simply means, depending on various variables, SOME (not all) step parents just can’t understand the fears, worries, and love (most) biological parents have (hopefully). Don’t get me wrong, I know there are awful bio parents out there too just as well as amazing stepparents who love and care for their step children like their own (especially if they’ve been around since the kids were little.)

This particular acquaintenance is the stepmom of older children and in a relatively new relationship so I think it’s difficult for her to see from my point of view at this time.

REFLECTION
This situation had me reflect on where I was years ago as a step mom and now as a biological mother. Like I have mentioned in previous posts, being a biological mom helps me be a better step mom because I am always putting myself in the other person’s shoes. If you want tips on how to really hone this skill and get along with your step child’s mom, click here!
Tips on how to Get Along with the Ex/

So guess what, If you are a helicopter mom, that’s ok mamas!

If they are your step children and you’re a helicopter mom without stepping on their real mom’s toes, then I even think this is ok! It’s because you care! I do think there is a fine line between being a helicopter mom and being controlling! I just want my children (bio and step) to grow up safe, happy, healthy, and be an awesome contributing member of society!

What are your thoughts on being a helicopter mom??? E-mail me! mamabear@savvymamablog.com