I’M NOT LIKE A REGULAR MOM…I’M AN OLD MOM

I had my baby boy in my late thirties. The ”polite ones” say you’re not an old mom,” but let’s face it, I am. Ok maybe I’m not old old but when it comes to having a baby, I definitely had mine “later” in life. Being an older mom gives us that extra little something. I’m not sure if it’s that life experience that some of our younger mom friends may not have had when they entered motherhood. There are definitely pros and cons to being a young and an old mom. For me, I try to focus on the pros but sometimes can’t help but think of the cons.

I used to think I couldn’t get pregnant. Motherhood was something I thought I would never see. Now when I reflect on that time, I realize I wasn’t with the right partner, for more on how I found my love, click here! Then just when I least expected, for the first time ever…my period was late. I knew immediately. 

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

At first I was in denial, I was scared, excited, and shocked. I wasn’t sure if I could handle what was to come. Responsibility was my middle name, but to now be responsible for another human life was downright terrifying. Instantly, I began calculating how old I was going to be on my child’s first day of school, when he got his driver’s license, went off to college, when I would become a grandma, etc. I am not sure what was more terrifying, raising a child or pondering if his classmates would would ask him if I was his grandmother.

As an older parent you can’t help but to be aware of the limited time you have, so quality over quantity becomes a parenting priority. Also, they are not  kidding when they say parenting does not come with a manual. Observing was always something I loved to do but when I became pregnant I became intense. I studied mothers and children dynamics.

When I think of my relationship with my kids, my main goal is to stay solid and close forever. To form that UNBREAKABLE BOND!

So here is a list of not only what I do but what 2 other great women have done. My mother and mother-in-law. I also threw in some extra tips that I either observed from others throughout life or read about during one of my many sleepless nights.

A BOND THAT LASTS A LIFETIME

1. OPEN COMMUNICATION-This is something that I have always felt so lucky to have, I noticed this awesomeness in my own mother in my early teens. Unbelievably, I had friends who couldn’t tell their parents what was really going on in their own lives. They couldn’t be honest or real with their parents. My mom always encouraged me to tell her anything and I did. She made me feel safe and secure by making sure I felt comfortable. At almost 40, I still know I can tell her anything and I hope my children feel this way about me always.
2. MUTUAL RESPECT- Speaking of age, many of us “old farts” were raised with the whole “You better respect me because I’m your elder” or “children are supposed to be seen and not heard” mentality. Personally I feel that thinking is outdated and may even be linked to a mental health problem or two! In my opinion, I think kids deserve respect! They are people who have feelings and thoughts! Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think kids should respect adults but it has to be mutual. Also, you can only use that power trip for so long before your two handsome little boys grow up to be the Melendez brothers and chase you around the house with a shotgun! If you are not familiar with them, click here!
3. WORDS- I know I am going to ruffle some feathers with this one (sorry mom, dad, and B.F.F.) but I TRY not to curse in front of my kids. Trust me I can use the F word as a noun, an adjective, an adverb, a verb with the best of them. I may even be one truck stop away from driving my own 18 wheeler across country, hopped up on No-Doze with the expletives I use. However, when interacting with younger kids, I don’t like saying swear words or anything that may sound disrespectful. This is just my personal preference. Phrases such as “shut up,” or “stupid” fall under the “disrespectful” category. I feel words such as these can be damaging. Remember, kids do as we do, not as we say. That being said, things might be different if I wasn’t in a blended family!!!

4. TIME SPENT TOGETHER-This speaks for itself. Like I mentioned above, quality over quantity really applies here. I want to ensure I am getting that time in with my kids, even if it is just laying on the couch together, sharing a blanket, or watching a good movie on Netflix. That reminds me, how come Netflix never has the movies you actually want to watch? Anywho, back to business, my favorite quality time is snuggling up with my little one and reading a book. If it’s a stay- up- late kind of night then after the little one is snoozing, I go watch a cool show with my tween stepson. Spending time together helps us feel connected to our kiddos and I am hoping they feel connected to us.
5. LEADING MY EXAMPLE-The whole “do as I say not as I do” does not work! It just doesn’t. Kids are watching our every move. So please pay close attention to yourself. Do you roll your eyes at people? Are you a person who panics over the smallest fixable problem and let your frustration get the best of you? Perhaps you call people stupid idiots as you’re driving? I know we are all guilty of these things because… hey we are human, but let that self-awareness kick in! Sure enough, you will see a positive change in not only your child’s behavior but your relationship with them!
6. DISCIPLINE/GIVING RESPONSIBILITIES- I once read that our sole job as parents is to teach our children to be adults so they are ready for this crazy unpredictable world. We need to teach our children how to cope, adapt, and handle conflict. They need to be prepared for (almost-nobody saw COVID coming) anything. Giving our children responsibilities helps them learn how to be self-sufficient. Believe it or not, they actually feel happier when they do things for themselves! If we don’t help our kids learn life skills, how can they succeed?
7. TRY NOT TO OVERREACT TOO MUCH!  Hey if your child is downright disrespectful or about to walk into  traffic, please overreact! I honestly don’t think there is a such thing as overreacting in these cases.  However, if they spilled something, missed an assignment, or forgot a school book, keeping your emotions in check goes a long way as your children grow. If they spill something, have them clean it, not you! If they missed an assignment, let them live with the consequences of receiving a lower grade. If your child forgot their school book, do not rush to school to give it to them. Again, let them live with that discomfort of not being prepared.

SOMETIMES, WHEN IT’S HARD, IT’S  WORTH IT!

This may take discipline (on your part), it will probably feel unnatural at first. It’s supposed to.  Saying F you, flipping someone the bird as you’re driving, or calling somebody stupid may be easy because we are used to it. If we don’t watch ourselves and the way we act and speak, our desired outcome is unlikely. Our children might think it’s ok to act unruly which may result in them having a difficult life and even strain your own relationship with them. We want our kids to have respect for others as well as  themselves. Our wish for them is to be able to function and adapt in this unpredictable and sometimes unforgiving society.  So parents, choose your words and your actions wisely. Our children’s future lies within the present, our influence is more powerful than we realize. Let’s make sure that by creating wonderful human beings that we also get to reap the reward of creating an unbreakable bond!

If you have any tips for me, please e-mail me at laundryismylife2020@gmail.com or find me on Facebook or Instagram!