(If you choose to)

We all have a past, but not all of us have to deal with our partners exes UNLESS they have kids together. Let’s face it…nobody WANTS to be reminded that the man we love was involved with another woman before us! However, we are adults and we must put our egos to the side. I do understand that some people are IMPOSSIBLE to get along with so as I have previously mentioned in my other posts…do what works best for you and your family!

What has worked for me may not work for a lot of folks, in fact, I know it doesn’t because when the ex wife and I are at a function together and we introduce ourselves, most people are pleasantly surprised on how well we get along so if this is something you would like to try and do with your stepkids’ mom, go ahead and try these 4 tips!

TIP #1

Have EMPATHY! I really do try to put myself in other’s shoes; it really helps me see from another perspective. Even though I have been down this road before, as far as step-parenting goes, now that I have my own biological child I get it on a whole new level! The mere thought of sharing him with another woman who I am not related to or for that matter… even know…makes me want to puke in my mouth! Ew! I can’t imagine how that feels and I sure in the F#*K don’t want to know! Try and convey how you get it and you understand how she might feel. This can help break down some barriers.

TIP #2

Know this will take time for her and you to reach the point where you have mutual respect. Many times ex-wives don’t think they should have boundaries because in her mind, it is still “her family” and we are just intruders. She’ll soon realize that her ex husband has moved on.

TIP #3

Don’t be afraid to express your acknowledgement on how great you think SHE has done raising their son(s) or daughter(s). When you express this appreciation to them and let them know YOU see what they have done individually as a mother, I think this softens them a bit. We all love recognition, especially for raising our beautiful little spawns. Anytime somebody compliments them it is an obvious compliment about us. I know I said put our egos to the side but this one is a real ego booster to our natural nemesis.

TIP #4

Communicate! There will be times that the children will try to play both sides or even the ex-wife will say the child said things that the child did not. Ask them! There is a way to do it without starting a war. This lets the other parent know you are serious about this co/step-parenting thing. It also lets them know you love their children but you are not a doormat and deserve respect too. If both households can be on the same page this ONLY benefits the kids! Remember… all the parents ultimately share the same goal! We are on the same team!

Hopefully this sounds reasonable and doable and if so…give it a shot!