Thanks but No Thanks!

I have been yearning for my own child and now my time has finally arrived! I am no stranger to Step Mom Lane! I’ve been in this role for about 15 years total (different relationships) but still I feel my experience has made me somewhat of a veteran.

However, I will admit, being a biological mother is different. My belief is being a biological mother has shown me things I never imagined. It has made feel things I never knew I could feel. To be honest with you, I feel it has made me become a better step mom and co-parent to my partner as well as my step-child’s bio mom.

We all know, there is something different when you have your own child (not to take away from any step-parent because I truly hated it when people would diminish what I was and still am.

I believe Wednesday Martin, Ph.D, mentioned in her insightful book, Stepmonster, stepmoms have to be extraordinary to be viewed as mediocre.

This could not be more true; this is how I have felt and feel (often). The expectation dial is set ridiculously high for us but when it comes to reciprocating, sometimes we are left in the dust. This goes for major decisions, parent-teacher conferences, and my personal favorite disciplining. I can’t have any sternness or “attitude” in my voice when I give a directive but I am sure expected to take attitude! At the school fair your stepchild gets his parents a gift and not you (ouchy), but God forbid I exclude my step child in any way!

Ok ok I am getting off track here, what I am trying to say is, being a step mom is tough stuff!It’s not my decision when my stepchildren should get braces or what sport to try out for; I don’t get that perk!

I’m not saying that just because we don’t get these cool perks we don’t deserve respect from our stepchildren…we absolutely do!

After all, we do a lot for our step kids and the least we deserve is respect. If you are a stepparent to a child who already has a present bio mom or dad, sometimes you have to take the back seat to those major decisions. And that’s ok!

So back to what I was saying when you started reading this post, now my time has come! I am now in the role that I have given deference to for so many years.

I am the biological mom….the one and only MAMA where I get the say in EVERYTHING…MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a rush!!!! I have to try and make sure I don’t let this go to my head!

I have been waiting to raise my child the way I want and now people want to tell me what to do and how to do it???? This list includes friends, relatives and even kids (ummm…get back to me when you’re 42 and your mortgage is due), and my personal favorite the know it all stranger that’s gonna life coach you through parenthood in the Target check-out line while you’re waiting for the lady in front of you to scan 38 coupons and use her Target app (ok I admit, sometimes I’m that lady)!

Seriously though, we all know the type, they can’t wait to share their opinions on when I should take my child’s pacifier away, letting my child cry it out, potty training, sleeping in their own bed, entering pre-school, how they speak, what they eat, how I should deal with my child when he is having a tantrum, etc.

Here is the thing, it’s not that I don’t respect or value other peoples’ experiences…I absolutely do, however,they’re simply just that…OTHER PEOPLES’ EXPERIENCES! Let me have MY experience, will ya?! All kids are different and unique and guess what? So are we!

So thanks but no thanks! I know my child best, and I do what I feel is best for him.

I’m not telling you what I think you are doing wrong and ALLLLLLL of the things I think you can do better!

I may think it but I don’t say it! You know why? Because it’s none of my business! Hey and you know what else? This raising kids thing is no walk in the park but let it be MY walk in the park!

OK THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR …(drumroll please)!

My genius response…ok not genius just simple…

My conflict -free thing I say is “Thank you, I will keep that in mind. If they won’t let up I then say, “I definitely appreciate your advice, maybe I’ll try that.”

Yep! That’s it. This is really all I have to say for most people to get off my back. At the end of the day, mamas,

YOU ARE THE MOM! You do what’s best for your child and your family!

If you’d like to share your favorite response…email me!